She is always finding Joy!

"Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God."

Robert Schuller

Cindy lives daily in the presence of God more than anyone I know! A few years ago I was asked to give the Christmas Message in our church. It was not a hard task to accomplish because the subject was just so easy to speak about. Christmas, Joy, Hope. One point I focused on was the difference between happiness and joy.

Often we confuse joy with happiness, but happiness is a temporary surface quality. It fluctuates with outward events. The origin of happiness or "hap" means one's luck, chance, fortune. Happiness is defeat able. As our fortunes change and our wants and wishes are frustrated, happiness disappears. There is a constancy to joy. It is steadfast. It can weather sadness and disappointment. It can coexist with suffering and struggle, because it is anchored not in emotion or shifting circumstances but in God's constant love and labor. Cindy takes joy from life. Following is her latest update:

"The latest news is that I am receiving chemo three times a week. Ugh! Two to the brain through a port in my head. Yes, I'm permanently bald there, although the hair is trying to grow there & I need to keep shaving it, actually Floyd shaves it. Then I have my regular chemo through my chest port every Tuesday. I think the idea is to knock it out or knock me out, which ever comes first.

The good news is that it's working! My tumor marker started at 1000 (normal is 30) fell to 900 then to 800 and then this month fell 200 points to 600. We are cautiously optimistic. My doctor is talking that there might be a time when I just have to go in for a "maintenance" chemo once a month. YAY!

It's a wonderful season, I'm enjoying as many activities as I have energy for. We really appreciate the thoughts & prayers & Christmas goodies. We've been well taken care of with delicious meals and treats. The kids are coming home next week, so the family will be together for a few days. I'm really looking forward to that!"

Thank you Cindy for sharing your positive attitude and JOY!

How blog updates work.

Because if is difficult for Cindy to talk about herself, (she would rather focus on others :) ) we decided it would be best if she sends me an email with some factual updates on her "condition" and I then edit and post what has been happening in order to keep extended family, friends and neighbors informed on the progress of the chemo treatments. Well a few days a ago, before she set off with the Davis High School band for a road trip competition - amazing - she sent me an update to edit and post. No matter how much time I spend looking at how to so call improve the wording, I am unable to come up with any better than her own words. Here they are:

"Well, I received treatment this week (Tuesday). My doctor adjusted my dose so hopefully the white blood cells will cooperate. If my count is too low then I can't be treated, which has been the case for the last two weeks. My doctor says that my bone marrow is tired from years of chemo. I had a little bit of a cold last week & was afraid that might mean no treatment but everything is good & I'm resting at home (mostly). I don't "rest" well. Too much to do. I'm getting ready to go to California with the Band. They have two competitions in St. George this weekend. Then a day at Disneyland & I get to go as a chaperon. No worries, they will take good care of me, all I will have to do is cheer for our amazing kids. Hugs to all my friends & family. Your prayers are working!"

The only thing I can add to this is to let you know that as soon as she returns from this trip with the band, note she went just a few days after a full chemo treatment, she comes back hopefully strong enough for yet another treatment and then Wed night is Ben's Eagle Court of Honor. For the past, at least 3, maybe more years Ben has been painting an airplane, aka jet, for the Air Force up at Hill Field. It is amazing and I will post pictures after Wed night's ceremony. Nothing like a Boy Scout and Military Ceremony to get the patriotic juices flowing! Ben has worked hard, which also means .... Cindy has worked hard, to accomplish this achievement. We are very proud of him and Cindy as always is often seen beaming ear to ear. What an incredible, infectious smile she has. It is an infection I wish to accept. I'm not sure where she musters all the energy needed to maintain her busy life but I have a pretty good idea that her positive attitude and faith and reliance upon the Lord have a lot to do with it. Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."

2 weeks off

Cindy was suppose to have a treatment last week and then have this week off. Unfortunately her counts, referring to her blood count, in particular her white cell count which are the cells that fight infection were too low and risk for getting sick was too high. So, no treatment last week. This past week was scheduled for a "free" no treatment week and with Cindy's busy schedule she decided she needed all the energy she could muster and therefore kept to her "free" week schedule. What was she busy doing..... besides every day life of being a mother, enough said.... she continued duties as a band mother and bread maker as well as helping Miss Farmington prepare for her city wide Halloween Party!

I'm not sure this woman knows what it means to "slow down", and she remains an inspiration to us all. Unfortunately we are entering into the nasty flu season. And because Cindy does not like to stay still or a way from people, she will continue for as long as she can to come out to church, school and neighborhood events. We just all have to remember not to hug and kiss upon greeting or perhaps even grasp her hands. I'm thinking of asking her to wear a sign "Look, but please do not touch"!

All in all things are well and it is just good to have her feeling strong enough to be out and about.

A song in her heart

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. ~Chinese Proverb

Tuesdays are chemo days. Every Tuesday Cindy spends 3 hours getting Taxotere pumped into her veins. Taxotere is an Antimicrotubule agents which inhibit the microtubule structures within the cell. Microtubules are part of the cell's apparatus for dividing and replicating itself. Inhibition of these structures ultimately results in cell death. Thus the death of the cancer. There are many varieties of chemo drugs and Taxotere is the drug of choice for Cindy’s body right now.

Taxotere is made from the bark of the Pacific Yew tree. The low lying yew was often considered a “trash tree” compared to the mighty Douglas fir and the likes. But with the discovery of Taxol in the 1960’s, it became the Cinderella of the forest. Yews are one of the most long-lived trees. Pacific Northwest species can live more than 1,000 years and some of their English cousins are believed to be more than 4,000 years old. Early cultures recognized the inherent wisdom of something that lives so long, and the yew became the subject of legend and an important spiritual connection to the forest.

Cindy treatment regime requires three weeks of chemo and then one week off. This will continue until her body says “stop” or her marker comes down to normal range. Cindy’s marker is a protein in her blood. Not everyone has this marker and out of the few that do, it has not proven to be very reliable. However, in her case it has been spot on. When the number goes up, it means that the cancer is growing or active somewhere in her body. Normal range for these markers are 30-40. Before the first chemo treatment this month her markers were in the 900’s. Not good. But last week, after only two treatments her markers were lowered to the 800’s. Good.

While there is still a long way to go, the Taxotere is doing its job. In the meantime Cindy continues with life. She spends every Wednesday baking bread by the truck load for her band kids. She is out and about whenever possible, smiling and waving as she passes you by in her little green truck. Each Sunday our congregation is greeted with the most beautiful smile as she leads us in song worship. And while she is extremely tired and has moved her bedtime up to 8:00 pm these days, she carries on. All the while giving thanks. Thanks for support in the form of flowers, cards and letters, delicious meals and priesthood blessings. Cindy has taken to heart the wisdom of that ancient Chinese proverb and the song birds have come to roost!

Counting My Blessings

Hi Everyone!  I am home from my first chemo treatment just resting, enjoying the beautiful Fall weather and the cards and flower arrangements in my kitchen that my thoughtful friends have brought over the last couple of weeks.  A delicious looking dinner has just arrived for us.  I am counting my many blessings!

My appointment was positive.  My surgery looks like it went well & is healing nicely.  It will be good to get back to church this Sunday.  The chemo was uneventful, took about 3 1/2 hrs on an IV to my chest.  I have a port-a-cath there too, so the medicine goes into a major vein into my heart & is distributed throughout my body quickly.  No side effects yet, YAY!

I just wanted to thank you for the prayers and thoughts that have come our way.  The support and friendship makes such a difference to my family.  Hugs!  Cindy

Frankenstein Lives!!

Hey Everyone!  I'm sorry to take so long to bring you news.  I've had a crazy weekend.  I don't know how it happens but everything gets scheduled for the same weekend!  Surgery, Homecoming, BYU game, Air Show in Wendover (we were given VIP tickets). So we compromised, Floyd went to the game, Ben went to Homecoming, we passed on the Wendover Show & I went to surgery. It went perfectly.  The people at the Huntsman Center were wonderful.  I was planning to get some rest while I was there, but the nurses had other ideas.  They came in every couple of hours to take my vitals and some blood.  I do appreciate them taking good care of me though.  I now have an omyya resevoire in my head along with a 4-5 inch incision with staples.  Thus the Frankenstein title, they wanted me to leave it open to the air for the weekend, so that's why I missed you at church, didn't want to scare anybody.  I am sad that I missed the Primary Program, that is my favorite meeting of the year.

I'll find out this week what the next step is when I visit with my oncologist.  My guess would be to start chemo soon, 1 round (once a week for three weeks) to the head and then 1 round to the body until it works.  I'm feeling good, just resting at home.  Thank you to all of you for your thoughts & prayers on my behalf.  I feel your strength and it helps me stay positive. My family thanks you for the delicious meals and treats you've all thoughtfully brought to us.  I am counting my many blessings.  Cindy

All is well

I just spoke with Margaret, Cindy's mom.  She has been patiently waiting at the Simpson's home for word from Floyd.  Cindy and Floyd went to the Huntsman Center early this morning for the placement of the port-a-cath within Cindy's head.  As with most surgeries, it took awhile to get word.  However by 3:00 she was in recovery and all was well.  Cindy will stay the night at the Huntsman Center.  She should be home sometime tomorrow, we just don't know when.  Ben is off to the Davis Homecoming Game!  Go Darts!

I should be able to talk with Floyd or Margaret tomorrow and will post if there is any new info.  I suppose if we look on the positive side of things we should be glad that Cindy was already wearing beautiful hats and scarves.  At least they didn't have to shave much of her hair off!  It will be good to have this procedure done and move onto the next.  Cindy is ready!

I know she would want me to express her thanks to you all.  Good friends, neighbors and family sure make getting through this life easier. 

posted by Libby Hansen

the 30th Psalm

"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent . O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever."

I have chosen the Psalm 30 as a scripture which, in my mind,  best represents Cindy Simpson.  She looks on life as a beautiful thing. She honors the Lord by celebrating him through dance and song.  While her body has its trials and at times, especially lately, she has not had the energy to offer up as lively a dance as once given she continues to offer praise and thanks to Him.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.

-- Albert Einstein

For over 16 years now Cindy has been fighting a war with cancer.  For a short time there was a truce but a new battle is beginning and with courage and commitment she is ready to face this battle as if she were Joshua at the battle of Jericho and ready to conquer the foe!  Cindy views life, its  beauties and challenges as a miracle.  I believe it is because of her faith she is able to genuinely smile when the rest of us are bogged down in despair.  It is not a false pretense.  She is genuine.  She is a woman of courage.  She is a woman of faith.

The Battle Begins:

This Friday - September 24, Cindy will have a port-a-cath installed in her head.  A port-a- cath is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. This device allows drugs to be injected, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical needle stick and is how the next round of Chemo Therapy will be administered to her brain.   She will begin chemo therapy treatment the next week.  Once a week for three weeks the drugs will be delivered directly into her brain. Then she gets a week to recover. Then, the next three weeks she will receive Chemo to the rest of her body.  This process will be repeated until it works.

The purpose of these drugs are to kill the bad cells of Cancer!  While they are wonderful drugs they are also non discriminating drugs.  They not only kill the bad cells, they will also kill good cells.  Because of this, risk of infection is high.  Cindy will be out of sight at times.  We do not want her to be out of mind.  To this end this blog has been created.  We will keep it updated on her progress.  And while she may not have the energy or strength to talk to us all, she would love hearing any news or words of encouragement offered.  Please feel free to contact her via hand written and mailed notes, email messages cindyjsimpson@msn.com or simply post a comment on this blog.   

While no one looks forward to any battle we are excited and grateful for the miracle of modern medicine, for knowledgeable doctors and chemists, for people who donate to good causes and most of all  for faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

posted by Libby Hansen